Have you ever noticed that the same things happen to you, in different relationships, different jobs, different circumstances? No matter what you do, there it is? Raising up, like a dragon erupting from this little innocent knoll; breathing flame onto whatever you’ve got going on. Leaving in its wake charred or still smoldering parts of you, distress, and inner turmoil.
This thread of mine wasn’t as dramatic as it has been in the past, thank the stars, but it left me with this confusion. This feeling of, I have experienced this same thing over and over again… but… what is the thing?
You see, this thing was interwoven in my relationships. It was a covert op that my ego set up.
I was completely unaware I was doing it and it kept me safe. Or… when I created the pattern, that was its purpose. Emotional safety.
This thread pulled hard 6 months ago. At that time, I didn’t know it was a thread. Yet something tickled in my brain. Some remembrance of similarities here.
One night, after the thread was yet again being tugged on, I decided I wanted clarity, needed clarity. What was this thing? When I thought about it, my mind would flat line. Nothing. I surrendered. As I settled into bed, I asked universe for clarity.
As I was completing my morning pages the next morning, it came. The awareness that I have carried this pattern for between 30-32 years. I followed its development, the thread, in my mind’s eye. This thread, now that I see it, was a bright orange contrast to the earthier colors woven into my being. Asking for me to notice it.
This time, I tugged on the thread. I tugged gently, lovingly unraveling it from me. I took a moment with it, to thank it for its hard work in keeping me safe; appreciating it was a part of me for so long. Then, I lovingly let this pattern, this thread, go.
-Krysta, New Hampshire
All Love Letters’ are pristine, posted as they were received. Please forgive any spelling and grammar issues, since the writing was done in the throes of love, and sometimes love doesn’t care about commas or misplaced letters.