Jordan came into my life 2 years ago when I least expected it because I previously expressed no interest in dating while I was enrolled at Lumerit – an online college program. In the beginning, I originally thought of Jordan as an acquaintance who made a few funny jokes and had an extensive amount of politic related knowledge. His near-perfect communication skills paired with extensive knowledge and attentive listening made the other students feel both safe and respected when he paid attention to them. I began to slowly get to know him through the various student life events because I tried to keep my options open. I noticed a few other young men who did pique my interest but none of them went anywhere and so I completed several classes on the side.
Just when I thought that I still wasn’t interested in dating someone, Zachary showed up exactly when I was feeling insecure and not pretty enough. He, on the other hand, made me feel beautiful and confident when we would have our conversations on Facebook Messenger. Eventually, I finally met him for the first time at my second Apex and everything seem to fall into place when he asked me to be his girlfriend. A few weeks later, I finally gave him my answer which was yes and we ended up dating for several months. We were a publicly lovesick couple who shared the only good parts of our relationship and it felt like the other students seemed to really support and love until I began to notice how little we had in common.
Zachary did try to make up for the time we spent apart by sending me romantic presents through the mail. It originally felt like we would stay together while at the same time his family expressed neutral feelings about me when I visited him in Ohio. Jordan would still send me messages once in a grand while until he stopped them altogether and disappeared from my life. I felt an odd sense of relief because I was currently caught up in the whirlwind of Zachary’s random amount of gifts and visits and nothing else seemed to matter. He had no qualms about downloading an app where he could track where I was at all times and I found it to be comforting because I knew where he was as well, especially since we were long-distance at the time.
Our relationship began to crumble once his family expressed no interest in getting to know me better and I felt more anxious and nervous at the same time than I usually did. I eventually decided to break up with him because we had so many conflicting and different and not enough in common to keep the relationship going and thriving. I ended up receiving a confusing mix of support and so many questions about why I decided to break up with him in the first place.
One person, I did not receive either one, was from Jordan. I deliberately took the time and effort to heal my heart from a devastating break up which made me more insecure and afraid than I have been in a long time. I had my share of bumps and bruises as I try to navigate the course of my healing process when Jordan returned out of the blue and surprised me with a few encouraging words. I started to have video calls with him while he was in California, diligently working with a political candidate because I still wanted to get to know him better even though my heart was far from healed. He knew exactly how to make me feel safe and comfortable and my personal opinions were respected and carefully heard, no matter how bizarre they were to him. Our typical video calls usually went for six hours at a stretch because we had so much to talk about. He usually finished work for the day and as did I when we were doing our mix of audio and video calls. I started to realize just how much I actually did like him because he took the time and effort to ask the difficult questions with caring consideration and sensitivity. He finally confessed for the second time that he still liked me and I returned my feelings on one of our lengthy 6-hour video calls.
Several months later, on February 8, 2019, he intentionally planned a surprise visit with my mom and showed up outside of our house. I ended up tackling him to the snowy ground and we were wrapped up in a loving hug and later that same day he asked me to be his girlfriend and I cried when I said yes. We finally shared our first kiss with a nearly perfect background of a snowy wonderland and it was a blend of exciting lovesickness and relief. We have been officially dating long distance for 8 months now and I couldn’t be happier because loving him has been a weird and wonderful adventure I don’t want to ever end. He is a truly sweet, caring, intelligent, kind, reliable, affectionate, hard-working, honest straightforward Christian man and my Chandler Bing. I finally found an extraordinary man who I want to share the rest of my life with and his name is Jordan Dau.
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All Love Letters’ are pristine, posted as they were received. Please forgive any spelling and grammar issues, since the writing was done in the throes of love, and sometimes love doesn’t care about commas or misplaced letters.